dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
