I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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