I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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