I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
