She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
