Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
