we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ladies don't puke and tell
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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