I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
