so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
