i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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