You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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