there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
