At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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