I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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