90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
