i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
