i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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