Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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