If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
