If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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