After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
