No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
