I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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