he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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