I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
