The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
