So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
