I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
