My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
