are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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