So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
