I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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