he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
