Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
