I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
