Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He felt like a one man threesome
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
