Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
