he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
