turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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