He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
