Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
