dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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