Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
