A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
