Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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