we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
