It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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