i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
