I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
