I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
