arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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