Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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