He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
