i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm