I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever