you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
