Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.

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  (612): I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch. http://tfl.nu/mufm
  Replies (8) Good night (684) Bad night (970)
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  (646): View more from New York

  I can't breathe out the right side of my face

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  (646): I can't breathe out the right side of my face http://tfl.nu/2qbr
  Replies (5) Good night (745) Bad night (1990)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (5080) Bad night (966)
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  (848): View more from New Jersey

  Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand

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  (848): Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand http://tfl.nu/3des
  Replies (17) Good night (1091) Bad night (5348)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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  (847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2
  Replies (12) Good night (5999) Bad night (890)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...

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  (705): APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk... http://tfl.nu/biv4
  Replies (5) Good night (3643) Bad night (901)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.

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  (610): I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird. http://tfl.nu/pqr9
  Replies (5) Good night (2576) Bad night (1580)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.

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  (908): Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder. http://tfl.nu/vsy5
  Replies (3) Good night (1154) Bad night (3145)
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  (909): View more from California

  At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains

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  (909): At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains http://tfl.nu/rchm
  Replies (3) Good night (862) Bad night (2285)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.

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  (662): This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever. http://tfl.nu/lkca
  Replies (5) Good night (3022) Bad night (694)
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  (315): View more from New York

  someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this

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  (315): someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this http://tfl.nu/qf5d
  Replies (2) Good night (2717) Bad night (976)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.

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  (423): I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/5s6y
  Replies (22) Good night (4388) Bad night (1085)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.

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  (509): idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow. http://tfl.nu/e8dm
  Replies (7) Good night (2356) Bad night (700)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"

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  (781): Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade" http://tfl.nu/du64
  Replies (3) Good night (1169) Bad night (735)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey

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  (508): He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey http://tfl.nu/jy2i
  Replies (9) Good night (1650) Bad night (467)

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