thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie