i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just cropdusted the office
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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