I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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