hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
