the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
