He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
