she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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