3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
