You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
