Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
