people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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