so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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