I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
