Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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