i just google imaged poop.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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