The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
bring money and cleavage
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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