Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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