I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Congratulations! We have a period
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