Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
are you so shy because you have an std?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
