Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
