I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
