I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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