Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Boobs speak an international language.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
