Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize