dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Randomize
